Letter
by Sianascera
Summary: Side story to Black Ember on how Berwald and Tino met. It helps to know the main story but it should also be understandable without it.


**A/N: **This is the long promised side story of how Berwald and Tino met prior to Black Ember. This story is not entirely self sufficient, it definitely helps to know the main story. Also no real smut, it just didn't fit the tone of the story. Have fun... I guess?

* * *

It always felt like my life was laid out for me. As the oldest son of a prestigious noble family I was groomed from birth on to take over as head of the family one day. With that came many privileges but also duties and so I had lived my life in the shadow of obligation, quite content with the arrangement, because unlike so many others, I had a future.

War tore our land apart and millions perished under the wrath of a cause that was long forgotten, but no matter how cruel and tragic the reports from the battlefields were, the terror of war never truly grazed me.

My days were peaceful and uneventful, I would spend time with my friend Lukas who led a similar unburdened life than me and we would often complain about the strict education and the training we were put through but still our life was easy. And it was dull. I was not aware of that, for me my life was brilliant and full of adventure and even if Lukas was a bit reclusive and hard to get out of his shell, the time I spent with him was the most exciting of all.

But truly, as I look back now, I see far too clear how truly dull that life was, empty and without meaning. But isn't that always the case in the face of dying? That the deeds we have done suddenly seem so insignificant? Or maybe that is the privilege of those who will die young, like me.

But I anticipate.

My life changed drastically when I met Berwald. No, that's not quite true, the change happened earlier, when Lukas' parents died. I didn't know the details, he never talked about that incident but according to the Imperial guards who investigated the case it was common burglary. I always thought that was fishy but I was in no place to interfere with the investigation.

He left for the palace where we were living at that time to mourn his parents at their family's home in the Northern mountain range and when he returned he was different. He was always a quiet fellow but after that he rarely ever talked at all. At least not to me. Lukas had loved his parents and their death had hit him hard so I just let him mourn a little while longer, after all I couldn't fathom how it must have felt to lose your only family in the world.

But the biggest change was the dragon that now accompanied him.

Both our families had kept their hands out of the war for a long time now, and so our designated seats as Dragon Lord had been vacant for a while. So it came as a surprise as Lukas was taking on his. I had assumed that he would focus on family business, to continue his parents work, but it seemed that he was more interested in participating in the war.

And he distanced himself more and more from me.

I was afraid that he maybe sought to die on battlefield, to follow his parents into the afterlife, it was so unlike Lukas, but he had changed so much that I felt that I hardly knew him anymore. So I was thinking of joining the military too, but I would need a dragon for that and since my family didn't own one I had to get one on my own.

Of course my family disapproved but they couldn't stop me, it was my legal right to claim the seat as Dragon Lord, especially since no one else out of my family had laid claim to it. I didn't know where Lukas got his dragon from, as far as I knew his family hadn't owned one either, but there he was, majestic and black a true terror to behold on. I had always been terrified of dragons and the thought of now getting one for myself was even more scary. But I had to do it, for Lukas' sake.

I wonder if I had made a different choice had I known back then where my decision would lead me. If I had known that I would not only lose Berwald but also my life. The thought hurts, but I have to ask myself that. If only to feel that none of this had been in vain, that my sacrifice would help the people I love. Yes, I would still do the same, and in a short while when my execution takes place it will be over and I will be reunited with the one I love. Maybe the afterlife will be kinder to us than this life has been.

But that doesn't change that I am afraid. Was Berwald afraid when they killed him? No he wouldn't be, Berwald was never afraid of something. Tears stain the paper, but still I keep writing, because this quill is all that keeps from going insane with fear. That is the reason why I write all of this down, because else the silence in this chamber would pluck apart my sanity and I would die as a madman.

At least I can die with pride.

The tears are dry now, it is time to return to my story; after all I don't have much more time left.

I was a member of one of the head families so I had free access to the dungeons, far beneath the palace, even lower than the hot springs, where the dragons without a master were kept and trained. I could choose a dragon of my liking and have the sorcerers spellbind him with whatever spells I wished. Despite all the precautions and safety measurements I was still nervous. The dragons in the dungeons were untamed and wild, and even though they were trapped in their human form they still were dangerous.

But I couldn't become a Dragon Lord without a dragon so I had to face my fears. It should never come to this though, because before I could even gather enough courage to venture into the dungeons, I met the person who would change my life forever, my soul mate, my dragon.

Things like this happen when you least expect it, like a sudden ray of light on a rainy day.

I accompanied Lukas to one of the dragon towers that poked out of the city to see him off, I had the feeling that he didn't like me being there, but he didn't decline my offer so I tagged along. I was still a bit scared of Mathias but I supposed around Lukas I had nothing to fear. I tried hard to stay in Lukas' life but with each passing day he drifted more and more away from me. But I kept hoping that once I joined the army I could keep a closer look on him and then everything would be well again. Soldiers had to keep each other's back after all.

I stayed on the platform for a while after they had taken off, watching as Ember's silhouette melted into the blue of the cloudless sky. Oh they were scary those dragons, but the view was truly magnificent. And I found myself wondering how it felt to glide above the clouds on the back of a dragon, looking down on the world beneath. Lukas must have felt like a god every time he mounted his dragon.

And then another silhouette appeared in the sky, an even bigger one than Ember's, coming from the North. A giant blue dragon, thrashing around in the air, wings flailing in a futile attempt to shake of the force that bound him.

A newly captured dragon, brought home by the sorcerers that had been sent out to find new material for the Imperial army.

I should have left then, it was too dangerous for anyone to be on one of the platforms when a new untamed dragon arrived but something in the way the blue dragon was moving kept me in place. A few soldiers appeared from the doors that led to the lower levels to assist the sorcerers in the taming process and they tried to send me away but I refused. I was not a Lord yet but I was a noble, a member of one of the head families and so they had no choice but to obey.

I watched as the dragon was forced down, his mouth was wide open as he roared his challenge into the open sky but it was to no avail. One pole after another was driven through his body and eventually his struggle ceased. Yet the defiant expression in his eyes resisted and he glowered at the humans that surrounded him.

That was until his eyes locked on me.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't afraid at this moment, I was terribly afraid but my legs were frozen in place and even if I wanted to I couldn't have moved. If the dragon had broken free he would have killed each and every one of us without a second thought and probably laid waste to half of the city below us too. And being in the center of his focus, having these wild red eyes fixed on me was one of the most mortifying things that ever happened to me. But even through my terror I noticed that the look in his eyes changed, it grew softer ever so slightly and there was _something_, something I hadn't yet a name for.

I don't know how long I stood there, frozen under the dragon's relentless gaze but it felt like an eternity. The spell was finally broken as one of the soldierss moved in front of me to speak to one of the sorcerers. It felt as if a thick veil had been lifted from my mind and suddenly I felt as if I could see much more clearly.

The view of the dragon's head was mostly obscured for me but I could see the rest as sharp as if I was looking through a magnifier. The reflection of the sun in each and every scale, the blood that ran down his body from the wounds were the spells had been applied, the painful tautness of the muscles under the skin and the defying arch that the neck was bowed into. And I could feel the deep growl that vibrated through the very fabric of the tower we stood on, caused by the smoldering rage of the bound beast.

And while I s_aw_ and _felt_ all my fear disappeared. It was at this very moment that the bond was first formed, the bond that would later connect me to my dragon, my love, my future, a bond that is now severed irrevocably. But soon we will be together again, it is this thought that keeps me going as the hours progress and the silence in my prison grows and begins to smother me. Soon.

"We can't keep him, he's too dangerous." The sorcerer said, his brows were furrowed and his mouth set into a thin line. The others who were monitoring the dragon carried similar looks of disappointment. It was rare to find a wild dragon these days and since this one seemed unfit all the effort was in vain. Although I couldn't quite see what the problem was.

"Can't you just impair his mind like you did with all the other?" The soldier, who appeared to be at least a Captain asked. "The mind is not the problem." The sorcerer said, the dark blue uniform , cut in style of the robes the sorcerers of the old times wore, flapped around his form in the wind that swirled around us this high up in the sky. The gold stripes sewed into the sleeves indicated his rank as the leader.

"His instinct is too strong, he will fight no matter how long we bind him or how hard we punish him. No we have to kill him. I hoped the spells would call him down but they haven't done a thing to quench his rage and like this he will always stay a threat." The Captain nodded slowly, gazing at the trembling form of the dragon who was still trying to fight back even though his nerves must have been on fire from all the pain that the spells induced.

"What a shame, and he was so big too."

Something I only got to understand much later drove me to speak up at that moment. I didn't knew that dragon, that _person_, yet I couldn't simply stand by and watch him die. "Wait." I can't remember if I yelled them or if I said them calmly, the only thing that I remember clearly is the puzzled look on the Captain's face. It almost seemed as if he had temporarily forgotten that I was there. The sorcerer on the other hand didn't show any emotions at all, he only stared at me as if he was weighing me, deciding if I was worth his attention.

"Excuse me Milord, but these are important matters, I would advise you to stay out of." The Captain said, I could see that the situation as making him uncomfortable but I couldn't stop at this point. This was maybe the first time in my life that I was truly sure of something. I was afraid, I was more than afraid, I was scared and I knew very well that this dragon could easily rip me to shreds but I knew deep down in my heart that I could never accept another dragon than this.

I liked to believe that this was some form of love at first sight or even a connection woven by fate but the truth was far simpler. I was not completely wrong though, in a way I had been prompted by love but the one who fell in love was not me, but the dragon. And in his selfish way he decided then and there that he would only succumb to me in exchange for getting my heart, silently crying out to me to accept him and somehow, even though the dragon magic had thinned out and eventually vanished during the generations, I had heard his call and answered it.

So maybe it had been fate after all.

"I will take this dragon up on myself. What is his name?" My voice sounded surer than I felt, I knew that I appeared calm, but deep inside I was trembling, only so close from collapsing. He was not stupid that Captain, he knew that he couldn't defy my order but he also knew that I would most likely get killed. I could let him be punished for disobedience; I could strip him of his rank just like that and condemn him to a life in shame, yet he still tried to stop me. "But Milord-"

I cut him off, pressing forward or else I would have lost courage and fled. "The name." I demanded, unyielding. I had never before felt such determination as I stared into the Captain's eyes, challenging him to disobey me. It was the sorcerer who spoke next; he had watched our exchange with some sort of cold curiosity. "It is Cobalt." He smiled at me; it was one of those smiled that make shivers run down your spine because of all the veiled menace hidden behind it.

It was like an unspoken challenge; as if he dared me to free that dragon and prove that I was worth it. The Captain sighed, suddenly all the fight had left him. It was the sorcerer's final say what happened to a freshly tamed dragon and by giving me the name the sorcerer had surrendered his charge to me, with all the consequences and responsibilities. There was nothing the Captain could do. "He is all yours." The sorcerer nodded towards the slumped form of the dragon and took a few steps back. The Captain cleared his men from the platform, he wouldn't risk any of them in the attempt to safe me. No, at this point everything that happened would be my responsibility. "I will kill him if you fail." The sorcerer smiled again and I forced myself to turn away.

I was still afraid, but that resolve that had driven me before was still there and it forced me to take a step forward, and then another one and another, and finally I was standing directly in front of the giant mouth of the dragon.

And there was the eye, as big as my hand and there was a look in it that sent shiver down my spine. Maybe it was amplified by the sheer size of the eye but I felt more than overwhelmed. As if in trance I raised my hand and placed it on the side of the dragon's head and for a split second I was _in_ his mind, seeing everything that happened to him that he had done all in one brain splitting moment. Then my world went black.

I woke up in familiar surroundings with an unfamiliar face looking down at me. My head was pounding and I couldn't remember for the life of me how I had gotten here. Only slowly the memories of what happened before my blackout returned, dragging the mother of all headaches behind them. Still my hurting mind was able to deduce that this person that carried a look of worry, at least I thought it was worry it could very well have been anger for all the frowning, was Cobalt.

"What-" I started to ask but the sound of my own voice was too much for my tormented brain and so it simply decided to pass out on me. Not that I would complain for when I woke up my head felt so much better.

The glaring person was still there but this time I was able to properly ask: "Cobalt?" The person smiled, or rather his lips twitched ever so slightly and I figured that had to pass for a smile. " 'tis Berwald now." I simply nodded to take the information in, there was a more pressuring matter at hand. "What happened? And how did I get here?" Here being my room in the palace, it was only a small one somewhere in the back, once I rose to the rank of Dragon Lord I would get a bigger one.

Berwald looked guilty, again that was mostly my guessing but I figured that quirk of mouth and ever so slight arch of brows could signal guilt. "You short circuited when you touched me." I looked at him with a probably pretty dumb expression. "I short circuited?" Berwald attempted to open his mouth to answer but I raised my hand to stop him. "Wait I don't want to know, I'll probably just freak out. So how did I get here?"

"I carried you." He supplied and I groaned. Back then I had still the illusion that maybe with time he would learn to give full and helpful answers instead of this meager supply of information. I couldn't have been more wrong.

The thought of Berwald's reluctance to speak more than five words in a row strangely hurts and I can feel my eyes get wet again. No, this will not do, I can't keep getting distracted all the time, I have to finish this. Even if the only one who gets to read this will be the flames in the fireplace. I need to get this off my heart.

I force my eyes to stay dry and continue to write down the story of my past, but I decide to skip most of what comes next. In essence it is just a lot of awkward getting to know each other and even more awkward sorting out of feelings until I finally realized that I have fallen in love. As on how I got into my room, the sorcerer decided to cut us some slack and allowed Cobalt to transform and take care of me. I heavily suspected that he just acted on a whim, because by all means he should have killed Cobalt then and not let him leave with a noble's son to do as he pleased.

Still I will be eternally grateful that he did what he did. Even if it ends like this, I will never regret one second of the life I spent with Berwald.

It was awkward at first to live with a person I barely even knew. Berwald had just popped into my life somehow and I had a hard time getting used to his presence, especially since he used to glare at me like he was going to eat me the next moment. And considering that he was a dragon he could very well do that.

But before I really realized it he had become not only part of my life but actually became my life. I couldn't live without him anymore and I finally allowed him to sleep in my bed… and more. He was a wild lover, able to exhaust me in only a few hours but he could also be sweet and kind and give me everything I could dream of. When I close my eyes I can still feel his touch lingering on my skin, the warmth that he filled me with and the bliss of being completed by the one I love.

But like with so many things in life good things tend to come to an end.

The time is close now, only a few minutes left until my executioner will come, and so I have to keep myself short now or else this story will be left unwritten. Not that it matters, but I want to finish this, for once I want to finish something in my life as I have left so much threads open, even if it's the last thing I do.

Isn't that a sad thing to say?

But I don't have the time anymore to dwell on past regrets.

When I started to write this down I wondered if I regret what I did then but the more the story progresses, the more I come to realize just how much important Berwald is to me, the more I realize that, no I don't regret it. If it means that Lukas can be together with Mathias forever it is worth it. Unlike me they can do that, Berwald doesn't possess the magic that Mathias has and so I would die anyway, and that would leave Berwald alone for the rest of his life that still is significantly longer than that of a human. Even if only by a few more centuries at max.

It was worth it, to become part of Lukas' life once more and help him with his quest. I can understand him, he has lost so much when his parents died so he clung to the only thing that was left, his hatred. And it got him Mathias so I really can't say that I condemn his decision to get revenge. I would have done the same.

Maybe this had to happen; maybe it was my fate all along to sacrifice the life of my loved one for another loved one. It hurts to think that we didn't have a choice but still I would do it again, even if it was a ploy of fate. As long as Lukas is alive it is fine. He is so much brighter than I, the future he can have is so much better than anything I could ever achieve. Berwald has given me wings but I was never able to use them like Lukas did with Mathias. I'm not bitter at that thought, I accepted that a long time ago.

He deserves the future I saved for him.

I tried my best, really to be as helpful as possible and to keep him out of danger at the same time, but I failed. I slipped when Ivan came to confront me, I blew my cover and almost got my best friend killed. But I made good on that, didn't I? I protected him against Ivan, no _we_ did. Berwald really knows me well to jump in there without a second thought, knowing it would get him killed but he also knew that I couldn't live with the guilt of having failed my best friend. My heart hurts again. No matter how often he told me I never believed just how much Berwald really loves me until that moment when he readily threw his life away, not to protect mine but that of someone I cared about. Lukas could flee and that is really all that matters.

I only wished I could have died at his side.

That is my only regret.

My only comfort is that I didn't have to see Berwald die, I blacked out before it happened. Ivan didn't spare me the gruesome details though as he carried me off to wherever they keep their prisoners, far away from the reach of the Emperor, I was too distracted to really care for my surroundings.

I can hear the steps of the executioner now, or maybe I'm imagining it. It doesn't matter; it is time now for me to say my final goodbye, even though there is no one to hear it. Lukas is safe that is all that matters. I kept the promise I made to myself. And maybe he can live the life that was denied me. I'm sure he can, he was always stronger than me.

The footsteps have stopped in front of my door, but the lock is yet to be disturbed.

Soon…

It has been a good life, a short one but I loved every second of it. I only hope that Lukas is safe wherever they fled to. Mathias will take care of him, there is no need to worry, I'm sure they're safe.

I can hear the key being pushed into the lock and being turned. It is time. I have waited long enough it seems. Only days, only a few fleeting days but it felt like I had waited for years. Maybe time flows differently when your life is closing in on the final act.

It doesn't matter. It will be over soon.

It is time.

Goodbye.

Berwald, wait for me…

_I love you._


End file.
